A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated. "~~~"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes? "The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, "Now, you have everything. "
An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself. "The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter. "It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young," says St. Peter. The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "123 years old? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40. "St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets! "
Q: Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit?~~~A: ~~~From crawling across the street when the sign said: "Don't ~~~Walk. "
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